Fashion Statement

Rules for being fierce in Germany:

1. Shorts - not allowed
2. Jeans - must be mutilated in some way, either with numerous square patches sewn on or with tacky fake rip marks. Tight fit for women, tight fit OR bell-bottom style for men.
3. Man Capris - in what I can only assume to be an attempt to bring down the average attractiveness of an entire continent, these gems came into existence. Generally made from left-over parachute material from the second world war, man capris extend to that awkward length between shorts and pants, and, usually, make you look like half of a man.
4. Shirts - anything without writing on it and/or any shirt with English that makes no sense
5. Scarves - not just for women
6. Shoes - must be awkwardly small  and meet at least one of the following criteria: 1) ugly pattern/color 2) sequenced 3) adidas. Rainbows are a definitive no.
7. Fanny pack - convenient for storing your wallet/phone/dignity and labels you as one of the cool kids